i have to find an argument (or arguments) between the lines.
either being mind-blown or agitated,
convinced or flooded with doubt.
make a review or response,
or a review of responses.
quoting, citing, re-phrasing,
tadi penulisnya bilang apa ya?
do i really understand?
someone misread the history of Hindia-Timur Belanda.

i run out post-it flags.
i do not know how to use it,
it is in almost every pages.
on my defense, kayanya semua poinnya penting.
look, i use a pencil to underline those important phrases,
asterisks, stars, exclamation marks, question marks.
it was an unpleasant *but still important* conversation.
why incorporate “jellyfish”?
why two vis-a-vis in one paragraph?
desiderata/desideratum, iconoclastic, diabolic artfulness.
i should get more coffee.

book memos are pregnant,
nine pages.
well, i should put the details of each chapter.
right?
i get it, i have to be concise.
i cannot, i am trying.
i should take care of gunseikan, gunseibu, gunshireibu.
what about kenpeitai and bukanfu and bunkajin?
i need to rest, nonton Ariana.

the EndNote is full of groups:
paper – seminar 01, paper – seminar 02, final paper.
footnotes[1], see White-male-historian, Narrative Title of Academic Book
(US/UK cities: Ivy-League/OxBridge University Press, god-knows-it-was-decades-ago).
yes. it is chicago-style, like a deep-dish pizza full of cheese.
sometimes i ibid.
i read this book very close, you know,
and those pages cannot put their own selves in a paper.
oh shit, kebanyakan kutipan, where is my say?

trying to read slowly,
in a patchy manner,
or sometimes in a constant move.
those phrases are crafts.
structured elegantly, mostly,
to revive the janus face of reality.
reading with qualm,
what’s truth whose truth.

time is up,
i should finish my work.