Nik Setiadarma

crumbles of time

Blog

  • phase two; ready

    phase two; ready

    I went to the Netherlands with a broken heart. Anxiety of traveling. The unfinished grief from visa shenanigans. Long distance relationships with my loved ones. My best friend K in Amsterdam gave me a room to weep and a corner in the kitchen to watch her baby child and occasionally zone out. At night, I… Read more

  • until now, tenderness

    until now, tenderness

    for my persons who make and read poems Once upon an evening, I felt brave. It was two days before the day of celebrating romance in February. I opened the door of my small rented place in Kalibata, welcoming two girls I really like and adore so much, D and B. I’ve befriended D since… Read more

  • not for you unless you can’t help it

    not for you unless you can’t help it

    TW: mentions of rape and suicide don’t be a stranger, dear princess. you know you’re pretty. i see your confidence. and you like all the attention you have. you’re a writer, a thinker, a woman artist, an intellectual daughter, an endearing sister, a caring mother, a perfect scholar, a special one. you can do it… Read more

  • hold and held

    hold and held

    A friend teased my responses from Gencontrolz roundtable on reproduction and care labor. “I want to say ‘no’ to all your questions.” I giggled. He knows my impulse really well; how my response to Fai’s, Michelle’s, and Phuong Anh’s prompts is not really an explanation, nor an answer. It’s questions. More and more questions. As… Read more

  • phase one; not yet

    phase one; not yet

    The tip of my fingers smells funny. The old papers give marks. The past sticks on the surface of my skin. Someone I never know had touched those pages, binding them, carrying them, until they arrived in the hands of librarians and stayed on the shelves for decades. They put stamp, catalog number, enforcing the… Read more

  • Burn It

    Burn It

    Talking about fandom and idol culture can be awkward. Mainstream media either will praise or curse, or call it with anything: a distraction, the spiralling down of parasocial interaction, blablabla. So many things happening within the culture that even when someone look it from inside, they cannot entirely comprehend. But a humane story is not… Read more